Moving in Empathy.

At our last event, one of our storytellers described a situation when she felt so heard and validated. Going through a hard time, she had expressed her worries and anxieties to a nurse. The response was ‘Yep – I’m not surprised you feel so frightened; it’s awful’. Far from being dismissive, this response allowed our storyteller to work through her emotions. The cliché is true: it’s ok not to be ok and sometimes the best support is to really, truly hear someone without trying to solve problems or offer platitudes of “everything will be ok”.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that and trying to be more like that nurse as I work with people to help them share their story. It’s about empathy: listening without judgement, validating (which is different to agreeing), sharing someone’s perspective.  I’ve often considered myself to be quite a natural empath. If someone I am with cries I immediately cry too – it’s like a switch. With reflection, though, I realise that empathy is a choice. It takes work, vulnerability, and intention. It means suppressing a natural urge to try and make someone feel temporarily better by deflecting. It also means not trying to solve someone’s problems, but trusting and validating that person’s capacity to solve their own.

Bearing witness to someone’s story is part of this process. By listening with intent, cheering our storytellers on, sharing in a supportive space, our guests are so key to moving in empathy, or, as one of our storytellers said ‘acting from a place of love’. Thank you for being part of that. I promise to try to make the choice of empathy.

Dr Brené Brown has made a pretty cool video about the subject, and this article is interesting about validation if you’re interested in the subject.